I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
