sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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