i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
