i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
