I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
