i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize