he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
