There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
