it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
