Christians are straight up FREAKS
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize