I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize