New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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