My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
