Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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