i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
