if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
