I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
