I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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