I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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