id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
