We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
