I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
