Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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