I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
