the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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