I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
one might say we're banned from that church
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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