I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
