I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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