Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Pooping to opera.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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