She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
