some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
