Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
