you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
