In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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