Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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