is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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