Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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