In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
