I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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