K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You are a genius and a whore.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
