i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This baby is an asshole
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
