it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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