the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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