If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
