that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
