Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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