i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
