i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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