margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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