State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
