we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
