I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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