some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
