yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
