thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
