I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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