I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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