Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
