just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
