apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
do nipples grow back?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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