so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
