He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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