hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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