Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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