You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
