It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
