There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
