its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
