You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
