the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
