Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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