i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
