also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
