I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
