They should really pass out barf bags in church
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize