i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
