...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
