I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
