I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
