Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
