If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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