So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize