The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
