i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
