dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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