I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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