You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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