im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize