the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
