i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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