I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
