remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
