I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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